I talked to him everyday for hours and Yaseen loved showing him the new creations he’s just bought from school. Even though we were so far away but he expanded his warmness and care towards us. I was one of the luckiest girls in the world to be able to be guided and inspired by the man whose life was so full and adventurous. Every step of the way was showered with petals of love.
As soon as we heard that my father was hospitalized we rushed to Thailand. We got on the earliest flight available but when we reached Bangkok, my sister informed me that he was gone. I heard the universes collided and my heart was broken into pieces. I felt like I was melting away and everything around me turned dull and dark. Pictures of him and memories we shared flashed before my eyes. My head turned blank with pain, and it was the lost I couldn’t bare. I could never see the world the same way. It becomes so bitter and hard to believe.
The first thing came to my mind when I regained my conscious was how cruel it was to lose him so suddenly, and his last wish to be with Yaseen again couldn’t be fulfilled. Looking at Yaseen made it even harder not to blame myself for not being there at his last moment. I knew things would never be the same again.
My mother was so brave and strong going through the funeral. It was so unexpected that it seemed undone and unreal. She got on her feet and did her best, but the sadness in her eyes was so overwhelmed and it was pouring out like invisible tear. My sister and brother decided to stay at home and help her through this deplorable process. I wished I could be there, It felt so bad and selfish that I had to be back to India.
I couldn’t talk about this any further while I am in so much grieve and guilt. I hope one day I will be able to cope with everything. I regret that my kid wouldn’t be able to have such an extraordinary grandfather who would teach him how to live a cherished life. And my deepest sorrow was not being to take care of him when he needed me the most.
All I can do now is taking care of my family and honor his legacies….to believe in myself and do the best in life, to live a full life and go extra miles, to love the most love I could love to my family.